Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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