I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
