were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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