your parents love me but you hate me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
