Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
