True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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