I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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