This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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