you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
