Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize