Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
