she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
