How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
