Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
