If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize