I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
