You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
