I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Say something about gay babies.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I touched a dick in church today
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
