You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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