I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
