recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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