Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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