enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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