i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
