Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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