Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
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