When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
