I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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