just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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