I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
