i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
