So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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