We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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