That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
