I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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