She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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