i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
