Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
