highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
