Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize