Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
