I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
