You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
