I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
