Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
