So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
