did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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