hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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