beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize