The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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