just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
