you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
