Pregnant stripper...not hot.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize