that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
