Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
