I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
