She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
