Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
