I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
