I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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