ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
