why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
