yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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