im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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