i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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