so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
