carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Rumble strips road head = magical
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
