The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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