You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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