ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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