I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
