Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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